Hole
I want to expound:
I have a hole in my chest. I’ve had this hole for years and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s like this feeling that whatever I have is not enough – like I must do more. It is my curse. I’m never satisfied.
After I broke up with my ex 9 months ago (or 10) I didn’t feel much of anything. Now, two chicks later, I feel empty. I’ve met knew women but none fill that hole (we’ll call it the chick hole) – it’s like they have no substance – which makes me kind feel like I have to constantly keep looking. Last month I felt sorry for the things I did to her. This month I’m heated at the things she’s done to me. It’s times like these that I feel very empty but very very strong.
I’ve always thought I operate best when the heat is on. I’m very quick to cut pleasantries for the sake of necessities and I don’t really get shaken. I get nervous and scared like everyone else and I may yell and scream but anyone who really knows me knows that when the chips are down, I’m always thinking. The more pressure there is, the faster I think – it’s what makes me good in an emergency. I also think it’s the reason I have migraines and the gut of a fifty year old alcoholic.
In my personal life, the heat is on and that’s what I mean by feeling empty but strong. I could probably talk to hundred chicks right now and each would think I love them but in reality I just don’t care. Objective on the inside, a liar on the outside. It’s who I am and I accept it.
My hole is also manifesting itself in my professional life. I’ve had some major changes lately. I’ve just been offered more money then I’ve ever known. Anyone else would be happy as hell, and I’m talking to people like my mom and brother’s like I’m happy but really on the inside I’m ambivalent. I’m I just ungrateful. All I’m thinking about entering this new job is how im going to get out of it. The hole continues.
Well - enough of this deep shit – let’s get to some old fashion superficiality.
I have a hole in my chest. I’ve had this hole for years and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s like this feeling that whatever I have is not enough – like I must do more. It is my curse. I’m never satisfied.
After I broke up with my ex 9 months ago (or 10) I didn’t feel much of anything. Now, two chicks later, I feel empty. I’ve met knew women but none fill that hole (we’ll call it the chick hole) – it’s like they have no substance – which makes me kind feel like I have to constantly keep looking. Last month I felt sorry for the things I did to her. This month I’m heated at the things she’s done to me. It’s times like these that I feel very empty but very very strong.
I’ve always thought I operate best when the heat is on. I’m very quick to cut pleasantries for the sake of necessities and I don’t really get shaken. I get nervous and scared like everyone else and I may yell and scream but anyone who really knows me knows that when the chips are down, I’m always thinking. The more pressure there is, the faster I think – it’s what makes me good in an emergency. I also think it’s the reason I have migraines and the gut of a fifty year old alcoholic.
In my personal life, the heat is on and that’s what I mean by feeling empty but strong. I could probably talk to hundred chicks right now and each would think I love them but in reality I just don’t care. Objective on the inside, a liar on the outside. It’s who I am and I accept it.
My hole is also manifesting itself in my professional life. I’ve had some major changes lately. I’ve just been offered more money then I’ve ever known. Anyone else would be happy as hell, and I’m talking to people like my mom and brother’s like I’m happy but really on the inside I’m ambivalent. I’m I just ungrateful. All I’m thinking about entering this new job is how im going to get out of it. The hole continues.
Well - enough of this deep shit – let’s get to some old fashion superficiality.
posted by JamicaVanWyck at 8:43 AM
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