Black Chicks with Blonde Hair and White Girl Bootys in the Bizarro World

I’m bored as Driz is at a meeting and I can’t waste time shooting the shit so now you must suffer my random thoughts…..

I go to lunch and order a tuna sandwich ($4.00). I feel a little hot so why not, I break the norm and get a bottle of vitamin water to serve as my semi-desert (usually I drink water). I love keeping lunch within 4 dollars in Manhattan, it makes me feel like I’m saving something (like Im listening to Mom). I get to the register and…
he says 6.25.
Wait a minute, the water was 2.00!
Yep

I’m getting flashes of “Falling Down”. Pipty cents!!
You Go! No I Stay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The principle was all fucked up. Vitamin water should be 1.25 – 1.50 at the most. I mean it’s the principle. If you don’t make a stand, then nothing will change (or economically speaking if you don’t decrease demand, the price stays high) – I’m getting to deep here.

I said no thanks which really meant your fucking price is too high and walked to another deli. Vitamin Water 2 dollars – I’m in the Bizarro World.

I decide I’ll drink water if I can’t find what I want but now its gone beyond the grape loveliness I wanted and its personal. I WANT THE RIGHT PRICE

I stop in a Duane Read and pick up the V. Water – 1.50, with tax 1.72. Too much but I take it. All in All I spent 6 dollars on lunch but for some reason this whole thing pissed me off.

Maybe I just like living Angry.

Things I don’t Get About Black People? Hey wait a minute – I’m Black

Why is there a Black Music Month, no one else has a month dedicated to their music so why should we?
Why am I sized up every time I go to the deli? For that matter why should I have to watch my back every time I want milk?
If everyone complains about people being too ghetto, why are their ghetto people?
Why when we’re angry do we get louder and louder on the street – no one wants to hear our shit.
Why do I feel the need to blast my music in the car – I do it all the time and I don’t know why.
These things all happened today and last night but I’m sure there’s about 5 hundred I’m missing. And if you’re one of my white brothers, trust me, you don’t get it - but I’ll get at you later with my Things I definitely will NEVER get about White People..

Things I find attractive in women lately
Blond hair on black women – see the ghetto comment, I can’t get away.
Breasts – their everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (gotta love the summer)
White chicks with big bootys
Black chicks with big bootys
Asian chicks with – well you get it.
Spanish women who are not from NY – I think I’m done with Newyorreckans for a while.
Did I mention Indian chicks with big bootys.

Speaking of Bootys, I was with one of my friends from Law school the other day and we decided to explore what I call the white girl phenomenon. Why is it that (except for circumstances like Angelina Jolie) the white girls I find attractive he (being a young strapping white man) finds horrible. He tells me I’m always picking fat white girls to point out. I thought deeply about this. I know what fat is – O I’ve seen fat – and the girls I’m picking are not fat, I think their about normal. I guess my normal is black girl normal which is thick not white normal which is small. Maybe it’s a cultural thing but I like thighs and booty not stick figures. He says I like ripples. I don’t though – it’s a mystery but at least he’s no comp for me which means we can go to the bar with no problem.

Deadwood – I love this show. The language is great and Swerigin (forever known here as Swergin) is without a doubt the man. In fact I think I love all the characters from Seth to Sci. I really appreciate the way HBO takes risks in its programming. Original programming is the only way to keep things fresh – (please see the success of LOST). I thought I would hate a story about the wild old west where everyone that looks like me are slaves and white heros are idealized but I don’t, I love it. Cuddos to HBO.

I guess I better get back to work – now I’ve got bootys on the mind.

***
Yaaaa, I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday.

Testosterone over drive!!! You Foul Son of a Jackal!!!

So I’m ending the work day reading quotes from Conan and I realized that I’m a Dude!!! I have two brothers, no sisters, - I like comics, pounding, sports, women and drink… I watch spike TV regularly and I love Stallone’s Cobra. I am without a doubt a dude and its never gonna change. Damn I feel sorry for my wife.

Listen its Futbol not Soccor... Naw, here its Soccor!

Haven’t posted in a while so I’m going to throw up some quick thoughts…

1. I deserved to lose my last two sessions of poker play. I have been impatient but more importantly I’ve been drawing to much. I’m going to get a tattoo that says Drawing = Gambling. The more your poker game resembles gambling the less of a winning player you’ll be. What does that mean practically? Straight draws and Flush draws are not telling you to bet or call unless the pot odds say so. To be honest I really should only draw at hands where I have more than one draw or a made hand and a draw. I haven’t been doing that lately and therefore I’ve been losing lately. That being said, there’s been another factor hurting my game as discussed in number…..

2. I’m tired of playing poker. I need to chill for little bit to get myself re-invigorated into the game. If your not into it, don’t play, you will only lose.

3. I went to the Cayman Island’s recently and I now know why people travel outside this country. The women living abroad are beautiful. I truly believe there are beautiful women everywhere but I would be lying if I said I don’t love exotic looking mixed people, and that’s what they’ve got out there. Here, your usually straight white, black, Asian, or in other words boring. I took a look at all the girls I’ve gone out with and realized that’s what I like, I like exotic looking people. Dark skinned, light skinned, white, black, I don’t care as long as your exotic. I am the exotic lover. YA!!!!!!

4. I’m watching the world cup for the first time this year and I’m hooked. Why am I watching, (besides the fact that I grew up surrounded by Caribbean bastards who make fun of the old red white and blue because we suck)? I’m watching because this month’s issue of GQ has a list of the best places to watch the world cup and in one of the descriptions it said, “ Argentina v. Brazil had the most beutifial women I’ve ever seen” If GQ is telling me, “Hey stupid this is where its at, there has got to be something there.” Please see Number 3.

5. I’m excited for the first time in a while about work. Not my normal job of course. This week I’m going to start volunteering with the volunteer lawyers for the arts. It seems cool, and I’ve been helping out so many of my artist friends on the side I might as well get more experience doing it. The only problem is I have to get insurance which is expensive (a cost to volunteer what the fuck is that) and I have to con an older attorney to look over my work because I’m less than 3 yrs admitted which sucks. I’ve worked with many lawyers and in a situation like this I don’t need some idiot giving me grief when I know all the facts and I’ve researched the law. There is NO MAGIC IN LAW especially when its not a complicated area like M&A or Bond Docs, or Patent registration. This is low level licensing shit that anybody can do if they put some effort into it and have half a brain. That’s what I hate most about lawyers. They swear they’re so smart and they have this great knowledge when they’re no smarter than anybody else. Hey wait a minute… isn’t that all professionals.

***
I thought all you interns left me.
I wanna see you find that shark.
Goddam it thank you intern, your getting an A.