FUCK BALANCE
I have now discovered the reason for this blog. It’s to work things out in my head. That being said, let’s put in some work.
My brother and I have a familiar pattern we fall into. I preach, he defends. I hate this pattern. It’s draining and nothing good ever comes out of it. I try to use self discipline not to preach because I know it’s a fast way for him to stop listening but he’ll say something totally foolish, or obviously wrong and I feel compelled to try to illuminate why its so foolish. Who likes to be told they don’t know what there talking about – aaaaa no one – who like to be preached to – aaaaa no one. Sometimes I come out of these conversations thinking, I’m not worried, he seems like he’s getting it together even though its not what I would do. Those days, I feel good. Today was not one of those days.
It’s times like these I miss having a girl. She would say, don’t worry, he just has to get older, he’ll learn, bla bla bla…. Those bla bla’s kept me going when he was lamping around thinking he was moving forward when everyone knew he really wasn’t doing anything – everyone but him (self denial or rationalization is a powerful thing). Today, he’s really worried me because I can see him driving a truck right into a wall. I hate watching trucks go into walls. When my older brother was in his mid-twenties and I my early twenties, I saw him driving into a wall. No matter how many times I warned him about it, nothing changed, and four years later, he crashed. He had a pattern every week. Go to work, come home, go upstairs and drink with his friends. They never went out, never met new people, just drank, smoked and played video games - for about 3 years (maybe longer). He had a serious girl who he saw once a week. Any time they went out, it was to the strip club to see random hoes. I tried to tell him, “you know, if you see your girl once a week, its probably a problem, why don’t you come out with me and meet new people. Why don’t you meet other people like you (black professional, with job), maybe it’ll be good for you” Nope, in his mind, the only girls out there where ghetto and stripped for money – it’s a perception I think he’s held till a about 2 years ago. It’s hard not to think that way when every chick you meet will show you her cooch for a dollar. The first one that won’t looks like fucking queen and God forbid she has her own place. – I mean GOD FORBID. Long story short, he fell out of that relationship right into another one with a girl he wasn’t meant for but was saved when God put him in a place where he’s now wildin out with professional women at a 24hour beach. It’s like he’s gotten a second chance. He’s now slowed down and is really looking at each person he get’s involved with, instead of just settling for what’s easiest in front of him (well mostly). He’s also expanded his crew to include different people then the ones he grew up with – a necessity I’ve learned to living a balanced life. People change as they grow, you’ve got to work with that, not against it.
Back to Brother number one, or two – whatever. He’s a good guy with lot’s of heart and emotion but he has one of the hardest head’s I’ve ever seen. I’ve learned since graduating law school that there are certain things people do which flag you as to what they know or mean. Many times in interrogations, people expose their cards without even knowing it – that’s why they tell you don’t say anything when questioned by the cops (I didn’t kill him, I was just choppin up the car for a friend. So you chop cars. It’s what I do. – well that’s 10-15 dick, now let’s go back to the murder). Speilberg has a tendency to do things like that and he doesn’t even know it. He’ll say things that show either a. he doesn’t know what he’s talking about or b. he doesn’t know what your talking about or c. he’s insecure about something. When he makes these statements, I just start thinking about how many times I’ve made flagging statements in the past and didn’t know it. Then I get embarrassed because I know its’ got to have been at least a 100 times. Today’s statement of stupidity was “FUCK BALANCE”. He might as well have put up a sign saying I haven’t matured to where I say I have yet. If he had thought about it, I’m sure he wouldn’t have said that (even if he meant it) because making statements like that invalidate any other points your making – it destroys your credibility (PS: I’ve also learned that credibility and integrity are things that are essential in business. Your reputation means a lot more than I once thought it did). In the context of this conversation, balance is my term for finding peace through a non-extreme lifestyle. VERY IMPORTANT and its something every lawyer knows about because we don’t have it. It means staying away from working too much, playing too much, spending too much, being too cheap, not being spiritual enough, being too churchy, neglecting your friends for your girl, neglecting your girl for your friends. Balance. My uncle knows a lot about it – its why he doesn’t like taking the subway to work. I find most people who have lived life and learned from their experiences search for balance and live more fulfilled, confident lives.
I’ve told him about balance because he has a tendency to be very extreme. He’s got one girl – I think his first real girl. He’s got one career focus and can only use one job strategy at a time (he get’s overwhelmed when he try’s to employ too many at once – his favorite line is “but that contradicts what you said before”) His defense is always either a. you don’t really know what your talking about because you don’t know what’s going on with me or b. I’m content. It’s the same thing my other brother would say when I asked him to roll with me instead of going to the dirt dog. It’s amazing how patterns work. What worries me is that this brother is a little more hard headed (stubborn than my other one) and his ability to adapt hasn’t grown in yet. I don’t want him making stupid mistakes that he’s too intelligent to make and end up not reaching his full potential – a path both my brother, myself, and my father have walked. Getting locked into one girl before you’ve really come to terms with yourself is a quick way to destroy not just your life, but the life of you mate. There is a big difference between choosing your girl and taking the girl that’s right in front of you. You end up settling without even knowing it (Again see, older brother). Socializing with others (ie, hanging with a new crew of friends, dating new girls, working with people you don’t like) is very important because it teaches you about you. Without that, you become the weird guy no one likes (ie, the guy with the red stapler in office space). Who’s going to promote that guy. Balance is necessary for his career as well. His industry is all about contacts (something he knows but really doesn’t know yet). He has got to expand himself or he won’t ever get himself noticed. You can’t be a writer by reading a book – you’ve GOT TO GET OUT THERE. Any real writer will tell you that. Look at Hemmingway.
Anyway – this sermon is pissing me off so I know its pissing off anyone reading this. I’ll stop bitching anytime now. It’s just that I love the guy and I hate to see him hurt himself and be to damn stubborn to know it. I called him a quiter. I said that to try to demonstrate his tendency to run away from things that are difficult and then try to justify his running by saying he didn’t want to do it anyway. It’s a trait he swears he’s conquered but hasn’t really had any evidence to back it up (other than following through with jogging which was a matter of time until he quit – which he did). I’m sure picking that word was a great and sensitive way of making my point. I’m sure he really listened to it. I’m sure I am mature enough tailor my point to my audience. And I’m sure Bush really thought there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Sometimes I wonder what I really want from him. He told me I can’t some things up in one word. I say balance but that’s too easy. For my own psychological development I will now try (in honor of Tony Soprano) in one sentence to sum it up. Work out, date some people, meet new friends that are into what he’s into, and get focused on his career – with tangible evidence of achieving each of these things. That feels better – (ready to whack Pauly). Now I just wish he would do it. I’ll try to take comfort in the fact that my older brother worked it out. People have to make their own mistakes but that is no excuse for making mistakes – especially when you have someone telling you what to watch out for (another hard lesson I learned from driving my own truck into my own very large red brick wall).
***
A year is a long time.
No its not, Its just once around the sun.
My brother and I have a familiar pattern we fall into. I preach, he defends. I hate this pattern. It’s draining and nothing good ever comes out of it. I try to use self discipline not to preach because I know it’s a fast way for him to stop listening but he’ll say something totally foolish, or obviously wrong and I feel compelled to try to illuminate why its so foolish. Who likes to be told they don’t know what there talking about – aaaaa no one – who like to be preached to – aaaaa no one. Sometimes I come out of these conversations thinking, I’m not worried, he seems like he’s getting it together even though its not what I would do. Those days, I feel good. Today was not one of those days.
It’s times like these I miss having a girl. She would say, don’t worry, he just has to get older, he’ll learn, bla bla bla…. Those bla bla’s kept me going when he was lamping around thinking he was moving forward when everyone knew he really wasn’t doing anything – everyone but him (self denial or rationalization is a powerful thing). Today, he’s really worried me because I can see him driving a truck right into a wall. I hate watching trucks go into walls. When my older brother was in his mid-twenties and I my early twenties, I saw him driving into a wall. No matter how many times I warned him about it, nothing changed, and four years later, he crashed. He had a pattern every week. Go to work, come home, go upstairs and drink with his friends. They never went out, never met new people, just drank, smoked and played video games - for about 3 years (maybe longer). He had a serious girl who he saw once a week. Any time they went out, it was to the strip club to see random hoes. I tried to tell him, “you know, if you see your girl once a week, its probably a problem, why don’t you come out with me and meet new people. Why don’t you meet other people like you (black professional, with job), maybe it’ll be good for you” Nope, in his mind, the only girls out there where ghetto and stripped for money – it’s a perception I think he’s held till a about 2 years ago. It’s hard not to think that way when every chick you meet will show you her cooch for a dollar. The first one that won’t looks like fucking queen and God forbid she has her own place. – I mean GOD FORBID. Long story short, he fell out of that relationship right into another one with a girl he wasn’t meant for but was saved when God put him in a place where he’s now wildin out with professional women at a 24hour beach. It’s like he’s gotten a second chance. He’s now slowed down and is really looking at each person he get’s involved with, instead of just settling for what’s easiest in front of him (well mostly). He’s also expanded his crew to include different people then the ones he grew up with – a necessity I’ve learned to living a balanced life. People change as they grow, you’ve got to work with that, not against it.
Back to Brother number one, or two – whatever. He’s a good guy with lot’s of heart and emotion but he has one of the hardest head’s I’ve ever seen. I’ve learned since graduating law school that there are certain things people do which flag you as to what they know or mean. Many times in interrogations, people expose their cards without even knowing it – that’s why they tell you don’t say anything when questioned by the cops (I didn’t kill him, I was just choppin up the car for a friend. So you chop cars. It’s what I do. – well that’s 10-15 dick, now let’s go back to the murder). Speilberg has a tendency to do things like that and he doesn’t even know it. He’ll say things that show either a. he doesn’t know what he’s talking about or b. he doesn’t know what your talking about or c. he’s insecure about something. When he makes these statements, I just start thinking about how many times I’ve made flagging statements in the past and didn’t know it. Then I get embarrassed because I know its’ got to have been at least a 100 times. Today’s statement of stupidity was “FUCK BALANCE”. He might as well have put up a sign saying I haven’t matured to where I say I have yet. If he had thought about it, I’m sure he wouldn’t have said that (even if he meant it) because making statements like that invalidate any other points your making – it destroys your credibility (PS: I’ve also learned that credibility and integrity are things that are essential in business. Your reputation means a lot more than I once thought it did). In the context of this conversation, balance is my term for finding peace through a non-extreme lifestyle. VERY IMPORTANT and its something every lawyer knows about because we don’t have it. It means staying away from working too much, playing too much, spending too much, being too cheap, not being spiritual enough, being too churchy, neglecting your friends for your girl, neglecting your girl for your friends. Balance. My uncle knows a lot about it – its why he doesn’t like taking the subway to work. I find most people who have lived life and learned from their experiences search for balance and live more fulfilled, confident lives.
I’ve told him about balance because he has a tendency to be very extreme. He’s got one girl – I think his first real girl. He’s got one career focus and can only use one job strategy at a time (he get’s overwhelmed when he try’s to employ too many at once – his favorite line is “but that contradicts what you said before”) His defense is always either a. you don’t really know what your talking about because you don’t know what’s going on with me or b. I’m content. It’s the same thing my other brother would say when I asked him to roll with me instead of going to the dirt dog. It’s amazing how patterns work. What worries me is that this brother is a little more hard headed (stubborn than my other one) and his ability to adapt hasn’t grown in yet. I don’t want him making stupid mistakes that he’s too intelligent to make and end up not reaching his full potential – a path both my brother, myself, and my father have walked. Getting locked into one girl before you’ve really come to terms with yourself is a quick way to destroy not just your life, but the life of you mate. There is a big difference between choosing your girl and taking the girl that’s right in front of you. You end up settling without even knowing it (Again see, older brother). Socializing with others (ie, hanging with a new crew of friends, dating new girls, working with people you don’t like) is very important because it teaches you about you. Without that, you become the weird guy no one likes (ie, the guy with the red stapler in office space). Who’s going to promote that guy. Balance is necessary for his career as well. His industry is all about contacts (something he knows but really doesn’t know yet). He has got to expand himself or he won’t ever get himself noticed. You can’t be a writer by reading a book – you’ve GOT TO GET OUT THERE. Any real writer will tell you that. Look at Hemmingway.
Anyway – this sermon is pissing me off so I know its pissing off anyone reading this. I’ll stop bitching anytime now. It’s just that I love the guy and I hate to see him hurt himself and be to damn stubborn to know it. I called him a quiter. I said that to try to demonstrate his tendency to run away from things that are difficult and then try to justify his running by saying he didn’t want to do it anyway. It’s a trait he swears he’s conquered but hasn’t really had any evidence to back it up (other than following through with jogging which was a matter of time until he quit – which he did). I’m sure picking that word was a great and sensitive way of making my point. I’m sure he really listened to it. I’m sure I am mature enough tailor my point to my audience. And I’m sure Bush really thought there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Sometimes I wonder what I really want from him. He told me I can’t some things up in one word. I say balance but that’s too easy. For my own psychological development I will now try (in honor of Tony Soprano) in one sentence to sum it up. Work out, date some people, meet new friends that are into what he’s into, and get focused on his career – with tangible evidence of achieving each of these things. That feels better – (ready to whack Pauly). Now I just wish he would do it. I’ll try to take comfort in the fact that my older brother worked it out. People have to make their own mistakes but that is no excuse for making mistakes – especially when you have someone telling you what to watch out for (another hard lesson I learned from driving my own truck into my own very large red brick wall).
***
A year is a long time.
No its not, Its just once around the sun.
posted by JamicaVanWyck at 8:16 AM
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